10 tips to have an amicable divorce

5 September 2019 | All Separation & Divorce

Divorce is never easy. With emotions running high it can be an incredibly stressful and painful time for everyone involved.  By approaching your divorce in the right way, you can reduce stress and heartache while saving yourself money and time. 

1. Understand the impacts

Your divorce affects more than just you. If you have children, they will be filled with questions and fail to understand why you and your partner don’t love each other anymore. They may even have questions such as “ why don’t you love each other anymore?” or “could you stop loving me too?” Your partner will also be suffering. Even though you’re separating, you’re in this together.

As hard and stressful as it is to go through a divorce, it’s imperative to maintain compassion and empathy for everyone else impacted. Being prepared for these types of situations and reactions can reduce the hurt and stress on everyone involved. 

2. Get your emotions in check

Divorce is an incredibly emotional time. There’s likely to be hurt, heartache and feelings of betrayal felt by at least one of the people involved. While the legal system focuses on the finalisation of the separation and dividing of assets/debts, the emotional aspect of divorce has just as much impact on the couple’s lives. 

If you can get your emotions under control, you’ll have a much better chance of making clear decisions regarding finances, children and your future. 

3. Gather a support network

Emotions lie at the heart of every divorce battle and its critical to have a positive support network in place if you want to have an amicable divorce. If you can get in a good headspace and manage your emotions, you’ll have a much better chance at an amicable divorce.

Positive support can be found from working with a divorce counsellor/therapist or can be found in the form of your friends and family. You may find that your friends and family try to support you by blaming or trash talking your partner. Whilst they may think that his behaviour is helpful to you, it can actually be detrimental to your divorce as it makes the task of rebuilding an amicable relationship with your partner almost impossible. Make it clear to your friends and family that you aren’t looking to point fingers and that it would work in your favour if they could be supportive and positive. 

4. Educate yourself

Education is power. The more informed you are about how divorce works, your finances and financial options, the better off you will be. Having an understanding of divorce and your financials will put you in a position to manage your divorce and the divorce system. Hiring a lawyer family law expert such as MDV Family Lawyers is highly recommended however educating yourself as best you can is important too. 

Interested in learning more about the divorce process? Check out our article on the Process for divorce here.

5. Ditch the blame game

Children can adapt well to change, however they don’t adapt well to hostility between parents. Rather than blaming each other for your marriage failure, look for ways that you can work together to get through the process quickly and amicably. Try to separate without placing blame on each other and avoid conversations that indicate fault. 

6. Look at the big picture and play the long game

Before you get caught up in fine details and who gets what, take the time at the beginning of the divorce process to stop and think about your wants, needs and non-negotiables. By looking at the big picture and focusing on what’s important to you, you’ll be better prepared to negotiate in a calm and peaceful manner while focusing on what’s important. 

7. Meet in the middle

You’ve filed for divorce, now what? If you’re aiming for an amicable divorce, think about which aspects you can work out amongst yourselves (if any), and which things you want lawyers to be involved in. Try and do some negotiating on these things between yourselves as this can keep legals costs and interference down. By having a clear understanding of what you need lawyers involvement with you’ll reduce the costs and improve your chances of a peaceful separation.

8. Make sure that your expectations are realistic

When thinking about your divorce and what your wants, needs and non-negotiables are, it’s critical that you keep your expectations realistic. No one wins in divorce, so trying to cause hurt to your partner by unfairly claiming money, custody or property will cost you and make the process more painful than it needs to be.

Before jumping into a fight, stop to think about what is realistic and fair for you both. Instead of blowing the money on lawyers fighting over who gets what, consider negotiating in good faith to come to an amicable decision that is fair to both of you.

9. Write, don’t speak

Things don’t always go smoothly when going through divorce and settlement. Emotions and stress levels are at an all time high as you scramble to piece your life back together without the other person. During this time it may be best to communicate via email. By communicating in writing, you can remove the emotion and ensure that everything you say is factual, on topic and has an agenda.

This can transform a conflicted and heated conversation into a calm and collected email trail, giving each partner an opportunity to regulate their emotions before responding. By doing this you also ensure that there’s a written record should you need it. 

10.  Get help

At MDV Family Lawyers we are committed to helping our clients navigate their divorce in an amicable and non-confrontational manner. If you would like to discuss matters in relation to divorce or separation and want someone that will help you to do so in a friendly and stress free way, contact MDV Family Lawyers and arrange an appointment with one of our family law solicitors. 

Call today: 02 4421 7455